The doctors x-rayed my head and found nothing. ~ Dizzy Dean View some more Funny quotes
Weather forecast for tonight: dark. ~ George Carlin
Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.
I don’t know how to act my age. I have never been this age before.
“A poor creature who has said or done nothing worth a serious man taking the trouble of remembering.” ~ Thomas Carlyle View some more quotes on Men
“I don’t pretend to understand the Universe – it’s a great deal bigger than I am.” ~ Thomas Carlyle View some quotes on Life
A freelance is one who gets paid by the word — per piece or perhaps. ~ Robert Benchley View some Work quotes.
One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery. ~ Robert Benchley
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. ~ Robert Benchley View some more quotes on Success
If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge. ~ Robert Benchley
Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? ~ Robert Benchley
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by that time I was too famous. ~ Robert Benchley
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of. ~ Robert Benchley
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did. ~ Robert Benchley
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed be doing at that moment. ~ Robert Benchley
My mother was the making of me. ~ Thomas A. Edison View some more quotes from Edison
When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion. ~ Josh Billings
When a young man begins to go down hill everything seems to be greased for the occasion. ~ Josh Billings View some more quotes on Men
It’s not only the most difficult thing to know one’s self, but the most inconvenient. ~ Josh Billings
Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go. ~ Josh Billings